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Feel Like a Failure? Here’s 5 Helps

Keep Moving Forward

While staying up late to write this post, Kelcy (my wife) asked me, “What’cha writing?”

“A blog post on feeling like a failure.” I replied.

Her immediate response? “You’re not (a failure).”

“I know” I assured her. “That’s why I’m writing it.”

Even now, after 15 years of her assuring and reassuring me, she is still aware that I need the occasional reminder that I am not, in fact, a failure.

When I tell people I’ve felt like a failure before, they often say, “Come on, you? You’re such a positive guy. You’ve always got a smile on you face. How could you think that you’re a failure?”

It’s easy. After suffering one setback after another (I’ll save you the sob story), I let my negative circumstances get me down. I had believed the lie that each setback was a failure, and that I, somehow was and always would be a failure.

I’ve learned a lot since then.

Here’s 5 helps for when you’re feeling like a failure:

1) What you do is not who you are.

You are not the job you lost. You are not your failed business. You are not your last relationship. You are you.

So who are you?

Chances are, if you can’t answer that question apart from “I (insert verb)” then you’re identifying with what you do rather than who you truly are. We’re human beings, not human doings, remember? The truth is that, rather than tying our identity to the things we do, or even to other people, we should begin establishing our identity as God defines it.

He tells us we’re created in His own image. That’s right. He created you, and He doesn’t create junk. The living God, who created everything from nothing, created you with all of your unique traits. He loves who He created you to be. So if you’ve spent too much of your life drawing your identity from sources other than the Source, I suggest you take steps toward discovering who you truly are.

To help you discover who you are, I highly recommend two books by Neil T. Anderson:

Victory Over The Darkness by Neil T. Anderson

Victory Over The Darkness

Who I Am in Christ by Neil T. Anderson

Who I Am in Christ

These books will take you on an in-depth journey of experiencing who God designed you to be.

2) Experience is an expensive education.

Everybody makes mistakes. Some of those mistakes are monumental. They’re costly. But even though we’d never go back and make them over again, we can still squeeze a great deal of value out of them.

If you are willing to learn from your mistakes, you can benefit from them. Consider this: Many of the mistakes you have made in the past can inform your future decisions. I tell people that the number of mistakes I’ve made, and what they’ve taught me, is part of why I’m writing now. At this point in my life, I have amassed a wealth of mistakes. I’ve paid dearly for each and every one of them. Don’t think for a second that I’m going to forget the sting of pain that came with each one. And don’t think that I’m going to make the same mistake twice.

This book by John Maxwell helped me turn the page on a difficult chapter in my life. After years of ups and downs, I sincerely thought I had failed beyond repair. This book helped me begin moving out of despair and into a newfound hope. It helped me begin to leverage my mistakes as a valuable set of resources.

Failing Forward by John Maxwell

Failing Forward

3) Failure isn’t final. (unless you let it be)

There are two ways you can make failure final.

You make the same mistake over and over again, never learning or improving.
You quit.

If you’d rather live to fight another day rather than resign to the finality of failure, you’ve got to do two things.

Learn from your mistakes. You’ve paid your tuition, now show up for class. The difference between the wise person and the fool is that the wise person learns from their mistakes. “The prudent see danger and take refuge, but the simple keep going and suffer for it.” (Proverbs 27:12) How do you see danger coming? You remember the last time you were in that situation, and you adjust your response! Learn from life, and life will get better as you go.
Keep moving forward. You do not get to quit. Sorry. I just won’t let you off the hook. Sure, you have been hurt. I understand your pain is real. I would never minimize the suffering you have experienced as a result of failures in your life. But that does not mean your life is over. Keep moving forward. Do NOT stop. You’ve got too much to lose by throwing in the towel. Need some inspiration? Take a look at this post. Watch the video of soccer player Lionel Messi. He’s a true inspiration.

4) God has a plan for you that’s good.

God once said to Israel, “‘For I know the plans I have for you,’ declares the Lord, ‘plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.'” (Jeremiah 29:11) Today we can be just as assured that God works for our good. In fact, He even sent His Son to this world to give His own life for us. Then He sent his Holy Spirit to fill His followers. That’s right, the God of all creation values you, and your future, so much that He spared no expense to reconcile you to Himself. He wants you to experience all of the good He has designed you for, and He has moved heaven and earth to make that a reality.

If you don’t believe that, I’m sorry. I’m sure you have good reasons to believe otherwise. I myself have questioned, once or twice, whether or not God’s plan for my life was really good. In the middle of painful circumstances, it’s easy to question God. Is He good? Is he just? If so, how could he allow bad things to enter my life?

Sometimes we fail by making bad decisions, and we suffer the consequences.
Sometimes other people fail us, and we pay those consequences too.
Sometimes failure is just part of living in a world that’s fallen and broken.

Regardless of their source, there is no failure that God can’t redeem.

5) Even a devastating loss can lead to a great comeback.

Did you go see that movie this Summer about that guy who had a nice life, and then it gradually got better and better? No? Me either. It sounded boring and predictable.

Every story worth telling involves a comeback. God is in the business of writing those stories.

God anoints a shepherd boy as king. He faces opposition on his way to the throne. Then, after fighting for years to take what God had given him, he rules as king over a period of expansion and security. Then he blows it. He sleeps with another man’s wife, then has her husband killed to cover it up. But then he realizes he’s made a mess of his life. He hangs on through the consequences, and turns his life back around. Generations later, Jesus Christ is born through his blood line. I’d say David’s life, although interrupted by his and others’ failures, turned out to leave a lasting legacy.

That’s just one example. Those are stories I read over and over again. I wouldn’t be surprised if He’s in the process of writing a comeback story with your life right now.

Just imagine what your life could look like if you let God have the last say with your failures. It’s a process. It takes time. But if you discover who you really are, learn from your mistakes and keep moving forward, you’ll discover that His plan for you is good. Considering all you’ve been through, that would be a great comeback story.